If that was your dad, he is hot
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
it glows. i had to have it.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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