***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
