we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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