a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize