Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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