I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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