I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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