Moan for me like Helen Keller
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize