when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
