Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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