Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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