Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
