I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize