so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Pooping to opera.
Randomize