I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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