i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
