Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
