She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
