she peed on how many people?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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