It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
