its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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