Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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