When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
