omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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