tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
