Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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