I think I just saw someone hide a body.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Dignity is for republicans.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
