overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
