Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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