but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
