I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
