According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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