We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
