Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
