that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm both gender and math confused
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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