he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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