I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize