1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
