I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
