i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
