So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize