just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
