How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
