youre lurking in front of me
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
