it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
