can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
