I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
