He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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