I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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