Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
