Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize