I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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