I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
