Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
