I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
