every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
