Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I need water and some morals
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
