apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
