Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
