My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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