Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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