i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
