I wanna bring you to show and tell
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
