so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
