coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
