no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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