Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
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