He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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