i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
