Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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