Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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