we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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