why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
