Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
