census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
