it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
