I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
